I knew that being a full-time working mom would be tough...balancing a full work day with caring for my child, running errands, taking care of the house, and still being able to spend some quality time with my husband. However, I didn't realize that one of the hardest parts would be the pangs of guilt that often fill the pit of my stomach.
I feel guilty about the fact that I only get to see Ava for about two hours a day during the week. Guilty because I often feel like strangers are raising her. Guilty if I do anything on the weekends that limits my time with her. And especially guilty that she is not receiving the attention she deserves.
I know being a stay-at-home mom is not all puppy dogs and rainbows and that "the grass is always greener on the other side," but I can't help but feel jealous every time I read/hear about my SAHM-friends' daily adventures, playgroups, and snuggle time with their kids. And some days are harder than others. I have even gotten teary-eyed while running an errand at lunch because I happened to see a mom out enjoying the day with her child.
Can you "have it all"? Techincally, yes. However, for me at least, having it all is served with a huge helping of guilt on the side.
I pray that it gets easier to handle with time, but the bottom line is that I do love my job (and to all my co-workers who read this blog...don't worry, I'm not going to quit!), I am providing Ava with a role model for her future career, and I am doing my part to support our family financially. Additionally, I truly cherish every moment I get to spend with her...even during the most fussy moments. On top of all of that, Ava loves her teachers and classmates, and she continues to shock me with how fast she reaches milestones. She is also learning important social skills at an early age, and her immune system will reap the benefits of her time in daycare as well.
At least that is what I keep telling myself ;).
Can you "have it all"? Techincally, yes. However, for me at least, having it all is served with a huge helping of guilt on the side.
I pray that it gets easier to handle with time, but the bottom line is that I do love my job (and to all my co-workers who read this blog...don't worry, I'm not going to quit!), I am providing Ava with a role model for her future career, and I am doing my part to support our family financially. Additionally, I truly cherish every moment I get to spend with her...even during the most fussy moments. On top of all of that, Ava loves her teachers and classmates, and she continues to shock me with how fast she reaches milestones. She is also learning important social skills at an early age, and her immune system will reap the benefits of her time in daycare as well.
At least that is what I keep telling myself ;).
You are a great mommy!! EVERY mom has guilt in some form or another. Ava is such a lucky little girl to have such great parents. xoxo.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Tessa :).
DeleteI agree with Tessa and what you wrote. I feel guilty when I get frustrated at fussy Henry or when he is bored and when he hardly looks at me because I'm in his face all day and sometimes the only person he sees all day. Ava is doing outstanding and one day when she reads your blog (like next week ;) ) she will see and know how much y'all adore her. And that is special.
ReplyDeleteXoxo
Lolly